Log Slide 2002
a sand hill. not a dune but a hill. a mountain. topped
with trees. mocking. a lookout, planks of wood for
those less adventurous. we, I, was not part of that
group. follow the trail of ancient logs before us
thirty-five degree incline. I slide down sinking
sand to my knees, left my shoes at the top.
the view was… glorious getting closer
to the water, changes from emerald
to turquoise to crystal clear
I could see straight
to the bottom, my
feet, three feet
under, wiggly
on rocks. grin
the 11 am air
a cool breeze
blazing sun.
this is life.
messages
written
in the sand
I love kate
written
in rocks
long before
we arrived.
we left it
undisturbed.
I hope kate
is still loved.
then we, I,
began the climb upwards
a fight against sand sweat and
gravity. biting flies and long sleeves
devastatingly slow progress, climbing
slipping, hands and knees, no hand holds
just me and the sand. an hour later I emerge
at the top of that sand hill, making it back to flat
land, three hundred feet above lake level. an hour of
toiling. sweat and tears. toil is the only appropriate word.

I conquered that mountain.

©2007

Coin the Catchphrase!

(JILL enters she has a numbered sign pinned to her shirt, reading 1148. She carries a piece of posterboard with her. The stage should be empty, but brightly lit, like an awards or game show.)

JILL

Hello Ladies, Gentlemen and Judges! My name is Jill March and I am contestant number 1148. I am 22 and a recent Smith College graduate. I’d also like to say that I’m a huge fan of Coin the Catchphrase and feel very honored to have gotten to Round 3.
My catchphrase is ‘blank makes my ovaries clap!’
(Turns sign around)
Now, in theory it’s only for women to say, seeing as men don’t have ovaries, but I’m pretty sure there are some guys out there that would use it too! For example, say some guy is getting ready to go out and hes looking in the mirror,
(deep ‘man’ voice)
Aw yeah, this shirt is going to make all those ovaries clap. Or, man, this car will make ovaries clap!
(Regular voice)
But, really it’s most attractive point is that you can use it for so many things! It’s very versatile, which all Coined Catchphrases from the show have been. Anything that you find incredibly attractive can make your ovaries clap. All you do is fill in the blank. If I may use last year’s Catchphrase winner, “Toyota Priuses are so HOT.” Now you could just as easily say, “Toyota Priuses make my ovaries clap!”
Now, my friends and I usually use the phrase to talk about guys. Such as,“Jake Gyllenhaal makes my ovaries clap.” Or “Coffee Guy makes my ovaries clap.”
Okay, so there is this incredibly attractive man that frequents the coffee shop I work at, and my ovaries don’t just clap for him. They jump up and down in a standing ovation celebration!
There are definitely degrees of your ovaries celebrating.
When I meet up with my roommate and her annoying yet oddly hot boyfriend for dinner or something, my ovaries have a polite clap session, because the guy is definitely easy on the eyes, youknowwhatimsayin?
Now, with Coffee Guy, my ovaries jump up and down and say, YAY REPRODUCTION! They have a little hormonal dance party in my abdomen.
Oh! One of my favorites is the reaction to attractive-fun guys. The best example is Jim from the Office (The American version). He’s got cute floppy hair and you just want to hug him all the time and join in on his pranks. They do cartwheels! I’m pretty sure they are saying ‘whee!’ in the process.
There is also the ovarian reaction to hot band guys. My ovaries just don’t clap for them either. They bounce around, scream and have their own little mosh pit.
Hm? Oh, I’m almost out of time? Okay. To close, I think ‘blank makes my ovaries clap’ should be the next Coined Catchphrase because it can apply to anything you find attractive, both men and women can use it and its very versatile. It also has varying degrees of applause, and its really just fun to say. Thank you for your time!

©2007